Life continues on...

Not much has happened this week. Adom's still working on our master bathroom. It's coming along nicely. Just a little mud and paint and we'll be done. I finally got around to some painting that I've wanted to get done for a while now, and now I just have to get to the decluttering of our house. Fun. (Can you feel the sarcasm?)

Ashton  is bouncing back wonderfully. He's handsy and smiling and I can't get enough of him. Damon's doing well in school. After months of effort, he's finally caught on to the idea of rhyming. It's really fun to see him lit up about learning. Occasionally I catch him at the bathroom or kitchen sink making a mess with who-knows-what and when I get after him he says, "but I'm doing science." He probably gets away with more than he should, but I'm just glad to see him working his brain. As long as his actions aren't dangerous or destructive, I'm okay with a little mess.

We're slowly spreading the word about leaving Beaver. I still haven't told my voice students, I'm waiting for the best time. While some won't really think it a big deal, about half will be upset, and leaving them will upset me as well. I've grown pretty attached to some of them. Teaching these girls has given me a chance to feel like I'm making a difference, that I have something to contribute to my small world.

It will be a while yet before we have any definitive plans for next year.  I've never been one to deal well with uncertainty, but I'm doing my best to stay relaxed and keep the anxiety at bay. I'm trying not to hover over Adam with too many questions regarding his job search. We try to keep the communication open; however, it's not easy for me to not give more than my fair share input. It's just that sometimes I feel if I didn't push a little, we might miss important opportunities, and his job search does affect the whole family. Don't get me wrong, he would definitely take care of things on his own. I do have faith in him. I'm simply one of those people who feels like I must have a certain degree of control over my future or else I get overwhelmed with anxiety and, yes, even fear. The best remedy for worry is action in my mind. I guess that's why I've been pushing to get our house on the market by next weekend, because I'm doing something about the unkown. It's one way in which I can take action. I feel that Heavenly Father can help us more easily when we are busy helping ourselves. He can't guide us in the right direction when we're standing still. It is when I'm taking action that I feel comfort the most and can even sense His approval of my efforts.

Other than that, our lives continue as normal, and I'm feeling happy in the everyday things that come my way (save my chronic sinus infections--I don't like those very much).   

IT'S POURING!!!

Well, technically it's snowing. It has been for three days here in Beaver; but, for our family, it started drizzling a couple weeks ago and finally worked up to a downpour this last week.  The week before last, Damon was home sick all week with a cold, then Ashton got sick and I took him into the clinic last Friday. He was a little congested in the chest but since his RSV test came back negative, they sent us home and just said to try to keep his nose clean and use a vaporizer. By Monday, he still had a fever and wasn't breathing very well, and by Tuesday, his breathing was so laboured, I took him back to the doctor's office. Dr. Lance Smith ("Dr. Lance" as we call him to distinguish him from his father) came in, examined him quickly, commented on how grey Ashton's coloring was and how low his oxygen levels were (they 77-78 percent when they should be no lower than 90) and he immediately sent us to the hospital.

We promptly went into testing and found out Ashton still didn't have RSV. He had bacterial pneumonia. Thankfully Dr. Lance was suspicious of the way the congestion sounded in his lungs and ordered an x-ray which was how they diagnosed the pneumonia. The poor littly guy was poked and prodded, and had tubes sticking out and to him for more than half a week. He was a good sport, though, and it only took him a day to stop trying to tear away his oxygen tubes. It was interesting, he got more upset and cried more over that oxygen tube than his IV and tests put together. It was so sad, when we first went in, he was so sick he didn't even hardly cry. Instead, he would just look at me and moan. I missed seeing his happy smile and rosey cheeks and his by hands.

Despite him being so sick, he kept in good spirits and we got to see brief glimpses of his smile and personality throughout the week. Thankfully, the antibiotics did their job and he had a rather speedy recovery. More than just the antibiotics contributed to him getting better, though. The power of the priesthood and the faith of our friends and family were instrumental. A few of my voice students were really effected by the news of Ashton's illness; and, after a few tears, they fasted for him and then Emily (who is as much friend as student) called six different temples and put him on the prayer rolls. Her thoroughness (is that a word?) made me laugh, but I was very touched at their concern. They are such good girls and I am honoured to know them.

Four days without hardly stepping out of his hospital room (Adam or I had to be with him at all times) and I was completely stir-crazy. Thankfully, Adam was able to take sick leave so he could stay home with Damon. Adam was working on remodeling our bathroom, so he got out of most of the hospital duty. By Friday, Ashton was okayed to go and we were very glad to get home.

This is Ashton with his nebulizer. He

loves to try to eat it as the vapors pour

out of the mouth piece. He thinks it's a

really fun toy instead of medicine.

Then, on top of everything, Adam had a meeting with the Superintendant on Wednessday and found out that his contract will not be renewed for next year. We knew this would be a possibility, but it still came as a blow. Adam is dealing well with the news, but I think he feels unappreciated and almost like they've just discarded him. I was rather upset the first day, but now I'm actually rather relaxed about the whole thing. This isn't unique to just us. Teachers are being laid off all over the state. In fact, Jordan School District is getting rid of 250 teachers for next year. It's just crazy right now--which should make me more nervous because that means it will be harder for Adam to get a job, but there is some comfort in knowing we're not alone in this uncertain situation. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of us and I feel as though he is guiding our footsteps. What trials we may yet have in front of us, I don't know. Our road will most likely not be an easy one, yet I feel comfort in the confidence that the destination will be one of happiness, contentment and ultimately better than our current situation. The only worry (although it is a small one right now) is about selling our house. I hope we can sell it for enough that we can at least get out of it what we put into it. So, now we are trying to finish all of our projects on our home by the first of March so we can put it up for sale. I feel as though we may need some good luck to pull everything off.

What a blessing it is to know what is truly important. It is because of the gospel that we can see the bigger picture and understand that our trials and the uncertainties in our lives will pass; and, despite the stress and sadness they may cause, we may still find joy in the midst of them. I feel that in the upcoming months we will have to rely more fully on our faith and the hope of the Savior to help us keep our perspective in the right place. Heavenly Father loves all of us, and he desires to lead us to happiness. I pray that, as the months progress, we may clearly see the path he is laying for us and trust that even if we can only see one step ahead, it will lead us to a place of happiness, and safety and peace--that as long as we are together with the Spirit of the Lord, our family can happily weather anything. We have been so blessed already, and because God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, I can trust that he will continue to bless us, and I thank him for his tender care.

How do I love thee?

Of cours I'm going to write about love, with it being Valentine's Day and all. Occasionally I flip the TV onto KBYU at 11 O'clock during the week to watch their spiritual devotionals. This last week, they had an adress by Elder Holland called "How do I love thee?" Within just a few short seconds, I was hooked to what he had to say. Elder Holland has always been a favorite of mine to listen to, but this particular adress was more compelling than others.

I quickly discovered that it was the same talk that first convinced me it was time to pray about whether or not Adam was my future. Holland said, "No serious courtship or engagement or marriage is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it and in so doing trust ourselves totally to the other we love. You cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety's sake. the very nature of the endeaver requires that you hold on to each other as tightly as you can and jump in the pool together."

That section kept repeating itself over and over in my mind almost exactly seven years ago. I could feel that Adam was ready to jump in the pool and I realized if I really and truly wanted to know if Adam was "the one" for me, I needed to jump in with both feet, too; but, it isn't in my nature to act blindly and risk my heart and future. So, I knew I needed to receive conformation first. There have only been a couple times in my life where the answers to my prayers have been so unmistakeable the world seemed to stop spinning for a moment. This was one of those times. I knew Heavenly Father was giving me his blessing to marry
Adam. However, nature immediately dove in and before the short walk from my little prayer refuge was over, doubt began to sink in. That is when Elder Holland's words meant the most, "jump in." I realized I'd gotten my answer and it was time to just stop annalyzing past ideas of the future and jump in with both feet. So, I did; and, just six short months later, we were married. How grateful I am for that simple advice given by a servant of God and the strength and wisdom it gave me to trust my heart more than my head. To rely on faith--it is logical, but its power comes more from the heart than the head.

Now, listening to his talk, I realized it has taken a little different meaning for me. At the time of our courtship, I was basically only seeing to the vows. Then, after that, it seemed to be a white road with gold trim. I knew my life's struggles weren't over, but I just didn't think it through very well. Had I been wise, I would have heard everything Elder Holland had to say, such as his explanation that "investing all" meant taking the good with the bad and being more understanding and slower to anger or take offense.

I'm not saying marriage has been one big trial. It has been more difficult than I ever realized it would be--Adam and I never really even argued until the end of our honeymoon. Yet, it has been full of joy and all kinds of happiness. It's just that I never counted on the reality of life, and life is full of difficult events that make us cry and mourn and sulk, but they can also educate us and strengthen us and eventually give us more joy than we could have ever imagined. For example, for three years we wondered if we'd ever be able to have any more children after Damon. There was a lot of tears and hopes dashed (but never the question "why?" I'm a firm believer that asking God "why me" is rather selfish and accusatory--He loves us and knows how we need to grow). Now, we miraculously have another child to call our own and everyday I'm so filled with gratitude that I could just cry. I mean it, I'm not overexagerating or being cliche. That's how my life is right now, but it wouldn't be if I hadn't gone through the struggle of wondering if Ashton would ever enter our lives. I think it's the same with marriage in general, struggles come our way to cement us stronger together and help us ejoy each other more.

Elder Holland quoted 1 Cor. 13:7, "'[true love] beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things'...He [Christ] is the great example of one who bore and believed and hoped and endured. We are invited to do the same in our courtship and in our marriage to the best of our ability. Bear up and be strong. Be hopeful and believing. Some things in life we have little or no control over...Some disapointments have to be lived with in love and marriage...when they come, we have to bear them; we have to believe; we have to hope for an end to such sorrows and difficulty; we have to endure until such things come right in the end." Adam and I have endured a small amount of these trials, and I discovered that it is during those times of trial and uncertainty that we have been the closest, clinging to each other as if the other were our life preserver. It hasn't taken long for things to come right in the end; and, with each new struggle, we're better prepare to face the trouble with faith and hope and strength.

Adam and I were attached at the hip when we were first married. We were almost a drug for each other it seemed (in a good way). The first time we were away from each other for an extended period of time, we basically fell apart and cried, no bawled, on the phone each night. That element has changed. We don't cry anymore (at least, we usually don't cry) when we're apart; yet, on my part, I'm always anxious when he's away. It's like part of the inside of me is lying out on the table exposed, wating for him to put it back upon his return. Perhaps that's a gruesome explanation, but it's the only non-cliche one I can give. It's our experiences together, both good and bad, that have made us a part of each other, and I am so glad to have such a good man experience life with.

This Valentine's Day, I recognize the love of God in how he has directed my life and who he has blessed me to share my days with. In all the ways Adam and I compliment each other and better each other I can see the tender mercies of a loving Father in Heaven. I'm a better, happier person now that I have Adam in my life, and I thank my Heavenly Father for these immeasurable blessings in my life.

Too Big, Too Fast

Over the last couple of weeks, Ashton has just taken off. He's started rolling all over the place to play--often getting his feet stuck in the spindles of his crib in the process, sitting up, squealing, and he's even starting to wiggle his way from point A to point B.

Let me tell ya, this little boy is getting very determined. He wants to be active when he sleeps, yet he still wants to be swaddled. So, he arches his back with all his might and forces his way to his stomach while he is still wrapped tight. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to roll back onto his back which means half the time he gets really mad and we end up having to rescue him. But he is super cute, isn't he?

Family Pictures

Note to self: do not take outdoor pictures in sub-freezing temperatures. Or else it will look this this--

Can you tell that we're gritting our teeth in pain trying to keep them from chattering uncontrolably?

Of course, being the mother, it was my responsibility to come up with the hair-brained idea to take a drive up the mountain on Sunday so we could take a few family pictures. It seemed logical at the time, since we haven't had any done for a while. I didn't count on the arctic breezes and blocked sunlight we encountered as we travelled to higher ground. It was rather comedic. We would keep bundled until the last second, then throw our coats and blankets off and try to smile as if we were having the time of our lives. Oh well, at least we tried and it was time together.

Fix it Man

It seems that as Damon continues to grow, he becomes more and more like Adam. Nearly every day he is does something new and I think, "Like father like son." However, he still has a "Damon twist" to the things he does. Last week, I was on a step-stool, painting the wall above Damon's bedroom door when, suddenly, his doorknob fell to the ground. Shortly thereafter, he was able to widdle the rest of the doorknob out of the hole and he swung the door open to hold up a screw driver and the dissembled metal object, happily displaying his most recent accomplishment. I should have use it as a teaching moment, but I couldn't keep myself from laughing out loud and shaking my head. Serves me right for leaving the tools in his reach.

Needless to say, the doorknob is going to be the least of our concerns. I later had to put one of his toys back together after he had spent some time trying to figure out how it worked; and now, he's started on items such as the bathroom sink and our sliding door. I'm glad he's inherited his father's curiousity, I just don't want to have our house come crumbling down because he's detached a supporting wall or something--because trust me, if it can be done, he'll find a way...