Positive Thoughts

I've come to the conclusion that possitive thinking does not ensure positive outcomes. I've tried my best to stay positive about the unknown, remembering our miriad of blessings and what is truly important. I'm still feeling positive (despite the occasional breakdown or hopeless moment). I can't say it's been super easy, yet it hasn't been necessarily hard either. It just seems like I have to take each day as it comes, remain proactive, and remember that the Lord knows what is best for me and my family. It's all about trust in Him.

So, when we hit road block after road block, feeling as though we are only treading water and not moving forward at all, I have to trust in what I cannot see or understand. Despite the fact that Adam has yet to obtain any real prospects for employment next year and we haven't even got our house up for sale yet (may I add, in a market that is virtually stagnet--even more stagnet than other places in Utah), our biggest challenges seem to be our many medical needs and bills. As soon as we paid off Damon's bills from his broken elbow, Ashton and I began visiting the doctor's office. Ashton for an endless chain of ear infections and me for a major sinus infection that refused to go away. So, multiple visits (meaning at least two for each of us each month) and repeated perscriptions later, we finally got better. These simple infections alone were costing us hundreds of dollars a month. Then, Ashton got pneumonia and his five-day hospital stay has not helped matters at all. Now, Adam's been attacked by a made podium stool at church which spread bruises accross the whole of his lower right leg (pictures below) and he will most likely need surgery to take care of a hernia repair. We all need to get into the dentist soon, and I need new glasses sometime too. IT'S ENDLESS!!! and financially we're shot. Thankfully our one splurge in the last few months, the Wii, is counting for Adam's birthday, mothers' day, fathers' day, my birthday and the big present for Damon's birthday. So, it's not so bad when you average it out like that. Although, I'm still having anxiety thinking about all that money we spent, even if it was off of KSL.com and we got a super good deal. Now I'm starting to stress about affording our trip to DC for Dustin's wedding. I don't have a history of stress ulcers for nothing. I'm really good at overreacting and worrying about things I can and can't control.

Yet, I mention all these "poor me" details because I've descovered the true power of positive thinking. Happy thoughts are not necessarily taking preventitive measures, they are prepare your mind and spirit to accept and deal with whatever comes your way. Let's face it, Heavenly Father didn't send us here so we could float along life never being forced out of our comfort zones or expected to deal with things bigger than ourselves. We are here to learn. Just like in school, the only time a student excels, in academics, the arts, or sports, is when they are challenged--forced to comfront situations that are strenuous and at times intimidating. That is also life. We can only grow, learn and become better through forcing ourselves to tread water until we somehow get to the other side to the rapids. Weather or not we are able to smile with taxing our muscles to the limit is up to us, and that is where the positive thinking comes in. Of course I have my days. There are times when I say to myself, "Man, we just can't get a break. It's one thing after another after another after another." Sometimes I want to cry. Sometimes I am irritable. Sometimes I just want to forget everything. But, sometimes--most the time, actually--I miss the challenge in my situation. I don't realize how difficult my current obstacle is until much later and I step and look at everything I've accomplished and how far I've got to go. Sometimes, I'm excited about different challenges because I want to see what it's like at the other side, just like we do when we go for a long hike and keep ourselves marching up the hill because we've heard the view at the top is priceless.

Perhaps that is the reality of possitive thinking--the ability to enjoy the journy, to not let it negatively affect the way I view the world and my life. It is being able to see what I've got rather than what I don't have. Don't get me wrong, I strongly believe in goals and dreams, I just don't think we should let our happiness be dictated by objects or situations that really have no effect on the eternal scheme of things. We have been so blessed, from the very basics of life to the extravigent items and opportunities that make life easier. It's amazing how focusing on the blessings can practically put blinders on the depths of our challenges.

I'm learning to enjoy life, to forget about things I don't have, and focus on the things that I wake up for, breathe for, live for. I'm learning to focus on the things (and people) I'll get to take with me when I leave this life, and keep hope that as long as I do my part, things will work out for the best in the end.   

On the road again...

It seems like we've been all over creation the last three weeks. First, down to St. George to watch Darren and Accalia's kids for the night, then up to Northern Utah to help my parents move. Then back up for Easter, back down to St. George for the Sterling Scholar awards; and, back up to get our Wii and up once again for Adam to interview at Morgan High School last week.

A week ago last Sunday, we asked the family to join with us in fast and prayer over fast Sunday to help Adam find work and get answers about what we should do and where we should go. It's hard depending on other people--waiting around for interviews, hoping for openings, etc. Fasting and prayer is one way we can contribute to our unsure circumstances. Many of our loved ones and friends joined us in seeking the Lord's help and guidance; and, our prayers have already started being answered. The day after is when Adam received an email from the principle at MHS, Tuesday he had a screening interview with him (which went very well, Adam felt really good about it), Wednessday he had a chat/interview with current band director at MHS, and on Thursday he had an official interview at Morgan High School. We haven't heard back from them yet, and Adam has some pretty stiff competition. However, if for nothing else, because the program's doing so well in Morgan at least we have hope now that there are stable jobs out there for teacher's of music.

Adam really wants the job. It's everything he wants right now, and it would be so good for us, not to mention the fact that we would be able to live in a small town and raise our children in a safer, closer-knit family. Nonetheless, St. George would be a good place to be as well, because it still feels like home. Then again, any where we are can be home. And, as long as we are together, we can find happiness in any situation we find ourselves in. That is the way in which Heavenly Father can always answer our prayers. We may not get exactly what we want, but we will be blessed with what is most important. Family is Everything.

A bright future

I was asked to help judge the Utah Southwest Region Sterling Scholar competition this year. I felt honored that Mr. Erickson at the high school would think me a worthy community member to judge in the music. So, two Thursdays ago, I went down to St. George and helped Dr. Johnson from SUU and a faculty member from DSC decide which sterling scholar was most accomplished. Man, was that a tough decision! I couldn’t believe the talent, experience, and scholastic abilities of these young students.


There were a couple who toured Europe for nearly a month with groups of elite musicians. More than a couple of them have studied with musicians who are widely renowned and some have even played with and for famous musicians—not to mention their vast experiences in charity work from building houses in Mexico to traveling the country to promote drug-free programs. Then, on top of all that, is the incredible transcripts and ACT scores I saw in all their portfolios—I say incredible because almost all of them were 4.0 students (the lowest being somewhere around a 3.8 with college classes) and test scores ranging from 26 or 28 to 32 or 33. So, ten years after I myself competed in this same category in the Southwest Region Sterling Scholar, events were made full circle; and, I kept thinking to myself, “These are the type of people I was competing against? What was I thinking, and how in the world did I even get runner-up?” If I would have known the kind of competition I was up against, I would have immediately given up and ran to the nearest boulder to hide my shame at the mere thought of thinking I even had a chance. All I can say is I must have been a really good BS-er and, thankfully, I had quite the song prepared—Un Bel di Vedremo from Madame Butterfly—and I did rather well with it for all of those who doubt a teenagers ability to do that song justice. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a little impressive considering I was only 17.

I say it was a tough decision because I kept looking at how accomplished all these kids were and hated the fact that there could only be one sterling scholar; but when it came down to it, the actually decision was almost a no-brainer. The kid who won soared above every other contestant. His enthusiasm practically jumped off the pages of his Book and his performance and interview proved to us he really was that enthusiastic in real life. I can tell he has a great future ahead of him.

And...I have a great future ahead of me too. There are so many things I'd love to do and so many opportunities coming my way all the time. I just have to remember, there is a time for each of the things I'm meant to do in life. For that matter, Adam and Damon and Ashton all have a great future ahead of them as well. I think it's just a matter of understanding our purpose and dearest desires and then having patience until it's our time to fulfill them.

Easter Break

Last weekend was super busy. Adam's last day of school before spring break was Wednessday. Then, that evening we drove up to West Point to Stacie's, Friday to Sharla's in Lehi, Saturday evening back to Stacie's and Monday evening back home. There was a lot of time in the car, but we dealt with it well. On the way home, we played "I Spy" from Bountiful all the way past Provo. Let me tell ya, Damon is a tough apponant to beat.

It was wonderful meeting Dustin's fiance, Nicki, on Friday. She seems super nice and I can tell she adores Dustin (something is waited a long time for) and he's pretty smitten by her as well. It's fun to see them together--all the lovey-kissy-can't-bear-to-be-seperated-from-you-for-one-second kind of affection brought me back a little to when Adam and I were engaged. But, I'm glad to say, they are not nearly as bad or corney as Adam and I were--Thank Goodness! However, they seem to have a little bit of the "island" syndrome. A thousand things could be happening around them and they are so into eachother that they would probably only catch about twenty of the different events. I love it--Oh, that period of time before the first fight on your honeymoon...ignorance really can be bliss.

General conference was amazing. I was very touched by almost every talk given. I have to admit, the only talks I wasn't enlightened by were the couple that didn't get my undivided attention. What really stood out to me, though, was the "teach your children at home" theme running throughout the whole conference. Almost every speaker mentioned the importance of the parents being their children's first teachers, that the church is only a tool in rearing children and their greatest strength comes from what they have learned at home.

It makes me feel like there is a lot of pressure placed on my shoulders. Of course I already knew that I was taking on a grave and difficult responsibility when I decided to become a mother. While I did feel reprimanded at times and even incompetent when I thought of all that was expected of me, the most wonderful thing about general conference (and this happens in every conference) is it left me with a greater hope and excitement for the future than I had before. I think it's mostly because we're practically given a step-by-step play to overcoming the life-challenges they address; and, the inspiration and spirit remind me of how much our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be happy.

Then, Monday, on our way home, I stopped to have lunch with a couple of old high school friends from Morgan--Alana and Angela. We laughed for over two hours and reminisced and got caught up. It was really nice and it's good to know that time may change us, make us look different, teach us life-lessons, and transform the way we see see things; but, essentially, we are still the same people. Despite all the changes in our lives and person we are still our own selves--that deep in our core we are still ourselves.

Here are just a few pics from the weekend--

Melanie's b-day present to Dustin--This whitie-tighty bean

was some kind of inside joke. We all got a pretty good laugh

about it.

Ashton got a bath in Sharlas laundry room sink. It's gigantic! and I

want one. I liked that he could splash all he wanted and I didn't have

to worry about a big mess.

A few of my favorite and most inspirational quotes:

“ACTIVATE THE POWER OF THE PRIESTHOOD.” There will be times when that is the only shield standing between your family and the power of the destroyer. -Packer

A good woman must constantly resist voices telling her she deserves time away, but the spirit can help to prioritize things in life. -Julie Beck

“They [the pioneers] may have been homeless, but they were not hopeless.” They had learned that the true source of hope is faith...Hope and happiness and joy are not products of circumstance, but products of the Lord. (Moroni 7:41-42) -Wilford W. Anderson

“You [mother] are your Daughter’s first line of defense against the wiles of the world” -Ballard

We help God the best by providing ways to build faith, especially while children are young. Lay the path and rescue them quickly from the darkness when and if they wander. Most valuable time is within the first eight years of their life. Because they are younger than the age of accountability, the mists of Satan do not cloud their eyes from the path to eternal life. -Eyring

The scripture enlarge our memory and teach us things that we would have not known otherwise...A loving God would not leave us alone to learn the unhappiness of the truth that wickedness never was happiness. -D. Todd Christofferson

We can reject the evil one if we want it enough. The light of the gospel can and will shine where we fear life has gone hopelessly and helplessly dark. - Holland

“It is not fair for us to make others feel as though they are deficient..." We are to support and heal rather...we shouldn’t act as though they are already lost... "Let us love at all times."

But until we manifest our words by our actions, we are nothing but a sounding brass…Christ not only taught but showed us how to succor the week etc…If we are his hands, should we not do the same?

Without the act of love, we are only the form of his church without the substance.-Uchdorf

What do our children see when they look at our faces? Do they see the countenance of the Savior...We are the angels heavenly father has sent to help the children…together we can come to know him, feel his presence, and experience his blessings as we strive to return to him -Lant

Need to be civil in our disagreements. It is appropriate to disagree, but it is not appropriate to be disagreeable. -Quentin L. Cook

“Being there” means understanding the hearts of our youth.” Connecting with them means not just talking with them, but doing things with them too. - Robert D. Hales

“A distraction does not have to be evil to be effective.” -Bradly D. Foster

“We will all face times of difficulty. The question is not when we will face them but how.” We may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can face them with a surety that we will learn and have the strength to do what we must. -James B. Martino

Many blessings in life are missed because of worldly judgment to a spiritual decision. -Schwitzer

The gospel is adapted individually, the principles are universal elements and can be applied in our various situations...Must teach the things pertaining to righteousness so our children will be converted and have the strength to live their lives in righteousness. -Vinas

We live in Troubled times, in a time of permissiveness, distraction, etc...“We hold in our arms the rising generation…we cannot be casual in how we prepare them”

As you speak of Christ, you will feel the power of Heaven with you.


“I knew that I would be made equal to my mission” (mother of Oaks?)

If your child isn’t listening, do not despair. Time and truth are on your side...Your testimony will never leave your children…

As you do your best, the testimony of Jesus will gently distill upon your children’s hearts. They will go to Heavenly Father in humble prayer, and feel his influence through the power of the Holy Ghost. A stronger personal faith in Jesus Christ will prepare them for the challenges they will most surely face. (this is the promise)-Neil L. Andersen

It keeps going, and going, and going...

So, the first thing that happened this week was this--

First I thought it was a spider bite, then it got blisters and was tender so I thought I'd gotten a burn somehow without realizing it. Then it spread farther and the blisters turned into more smaller blisters, and I thought maybe it really is a spider bite. That's when I got onto the internet and looked up information and pictures of spider bites; and, yes, that's what it was. The pictures above are on day 5, when it was already beginning to heal. If I would have realized what it actually was earlier, when it looked really bad, I would have probably panicked and gone to the doctor. Sometimes it pays to be ignorant. At least it saved me a co-pay.

We've been working really hard to get our house done. I wanted to finish by the end of the weekend--we're still a ways away from completing everything. Oh, well. We'll just keep trudging on...

Since we don't have a sink in Damon's bathroom right now and our hot water's not currently accessible in the master bath sink, Damon's been stealing our big stool to wash his hands at the kitchen sink. I'm constantly either tripping over while I'm cooking or looking for it when I need to do a project. I can't wait till order returns to our house. Then again, perhaps there was never order in the first place.

Ashton has about had it with us neglecting him (not really, but you'd think so with the way he carries on when we put him down on the floor or in his jumper). So, he got to help daddy paint, if you can consider it helping. He spent most the time trying to get a hold of the brush. Knowing him, I'm sure he wanted to taste-test it. What a cutie-petutie.

This is a nightly ritual. After family prayer, Adam tucks Damon in and reads him a story. Right now they're working on a graphic novel about Robin Hood. Occasionally, when he's not ornery at bed-time, Ashton joins them for the story. He's not quite ready to pay attention, but we'll keep workin' on him. :)

We're in Trouble!!!!!

Alright everybody, take a real good look at this, because this is the face of Trouble-And I mean TROUBLE!

He's widdling his way into cubby holes, finding chords in impossible places and trying to eat them, pulling apart my new decorative plants, and moving long distances in incredibly short amounts of time. One second he's laying in front of the entertainment cupboard, the next he's practically down the hall. Help Me!

He's getting so excited about life. You can see it in the way his face lights up when he smiles. I just love it, especially when he lights up because he sees me. I'm a lucky momma. Although, the following pictures are pretty good examples of my life lately.

Over-cooked, frazzled, and bursting at the seems, but still mostly contained. I've got a hundred ingredients fighting for attention in my life and I'm doing my best to keep it all under control.

Needless to say, my first attempt at baking an Angel Food Cake didn't go so well. Maybe the fact that the mix expired in April of '06 had something to do with it. Note to self: pay attention to the expiration dates of food I try to feed my family. All the box requires is to add water. That's it, and I still managed to completely botch it. Oh, well, it's just a good thing that the store is only one minute away, and Adam is a super fast go-to guy.

I just keep reminding myself, it all ends up alright in the end, if not exactly how we planned. Life really is good to us, and I'm grateful for all the happiness.

Hand to Mouth...

Okay, finances may get a little tight at times, but Ashton's taking the term "hand to mouth" to a whole new level. For him it's literal. He picks up an items, studies it for a second, then promptly gives it a taste-test as if that will give him a better idea of what it is. It's so fun to watch him watching the world around him. He doesn't just look, he studies the people, the objects, everything; and, I can practically see his observations processing in his mind. I love seeing him try to use his fine motor skills. Sometimes I'll put little pieces of food on his tray and watch him try to pinch it between his pointer finger and thumb. Mostly, he just pushes it away in his attempts or, if he gets lucky and manages to pick it up, loses it before it's even half-way to his mouth. Of course, when he's down on the floor, he is miraculously able to pinch lint and put it to his mouth with no problems at all. How does that always happen--they always want or find what they shouldn't have.

Last week in sacrement meeting, he was interested in a woman sitting behind us. He kept looking over my shoulder at her and flashing his biggest smile, then he'd duck down and play with a toy a minute and then look back over my should and smile at her again. At one point, she got up and left the chapel. Ashton watched her the whole way and even kept looking a the door seemingly waiting fore her to return. It was so cute, hardly anyone can keep from smiling at him when they make eye-contact.

He's also practicing his gross motor skills. His knew favorite past-time is playing on the floor. He hasn't figured out crawling or even the army crawl, yet. Instead he just puts his arms forward and pulls himself forward with his brute strength and an occasional grunt. I'm still cringing at the thought of baby-proofing. There is just so much to do and I feel so little time. Everyday he seems to get into something else I didn't think was problem or even a temptation.

My parents came down yesterday. They ate chilli and spent the afternoon with us. I'm sad to think a quick visit won't be a possibility come next weekend. They finally sold (or presold, since it's just on lease until the new residence sell their own home) their house, and now they're moving to Northern Utah (Huntsville) for a while. It's a little sad, but we won't be here too much longer anyway. It's funny how my whole family has returned to Northern Utah and I'm the only left with a link to St. George. It's always bittersweet to grow up and build your own family. Home developes a new definition. It's no longer the house we grew up in, or where mom and dad are, it's not even where the heart is. I'm learning that home is a place where you feel safe, have a purpose, and where you're life is shared with those you couldn't live without. My heart will always be with my parents and siblings and I'll always want to be near them; but, the greatest part of me will always want to be with Adam and our children as they grow to be men. Wherever we can thrive in all the facets of life, that's where we need to be. I hope we will never be too far from our loved ones, but I also hope we will alow the road to take us wherever we will find the greatest possibilities for our stability, growth and happiness. However, I also realize that as long as we are together, we can make wherever we are HOME.