It keeps going, and going, and going...

So, the first thing that happened this week was this--

First I thought it was a spider bite, then it got blisters and was tender so I thought I'd gotten a burn somehow without realizing it. Then it spread farther and the blisters turned into more smaller blisters, and I thought maybe it really is a spider bite. That's when I got onto the internet and looked up information and pictures of spider bites; and, yes, that's what it was. The pictures above are on day 5, when it was already beginning to heal. If I would have realized what it actually was earlier, when it looked really bad, I would have probably panicked and gone to the doctor. Sometimes it pays to be ignorant. At least it saved me a co-pay.

We've been working really hard to get our house done. I wanted to finish by the end of the weekend--we're still a ways away from completing everything. Oh, well. We'll just keep trudging on...

Since we don't have a sink in Damon's bathroom right now and our hot water's not currently accessible in the master bath sink, Damon's been stealing our big stool to wash his hands at the kitchen sink. I'm constantly either tripping over while I'm cooking or looking for it when I need to do a project. I can't wait till order returns to our house. Then again, perhaps there was never order in the first place.

Ashton has about had it with us neglecting him (not really, but you'd think so with the way he carries on when we put him down on the floor or in his jumper). So, he got to help daddy paint, if you can consider it helping. He spent most the time trying to get a hold of the brush. Knowing him, I'm sure he wanted to taste-test it. What a cutie-petutie.

This is a nightly ritual. After family prayer, Adam tucks Damon in and reads him a story. Right now they're working on a graphic novel about Robin Hood. Occasionally, when he's not ornery at bed-time, Ashton joins them for the story. He's not quite ready to pay attention, but we'll keep workin' on him. :)

We're in Trouble!!!!!

Alright everybody, take a real good look at this, because this is the face of Trouble-And I mean TROUBLE!

He's widdling his way into cubby holes, finding chords in impossible places and trying to eat them, pulling apart my new decorative plants, and moving long distances in incredibly short amounts of time. One second he's laying in front of the entertainment cupboard, the next he's practically down the hall. Help Me!

He's getting so excited about life. You can see it in the way his face lights up when he smiles. I just love it, especially when he lights up because he sees me. I'm a lucky momma. Although, the following pictures are pretty good examples of my life lately.

Over-cooked, frazzled, and bursting at the seems, but still mostly contained. I've got a hundred ingredients fighting for attention in my life and I'm doing my best to keep it all under control.

Needless to say, my first attempt at baking an Angel Food Cake didn't go so well. Maybe the fact that the mix expired in April of '06 had something to do with it. Note to self: pay attention to the expiration dates of food I try to feed my family. All the box requires is to add water. That's it, and I still managed to completely botch it. Oh, well, it's just a good thing that the store is only one minute away, and Adam is a super fast go-to guy.

I just keep reminding myself, it all ends up alright in the end, if not exactly how we planned. Life really is good to us, and I'm grateful for all the happiness.

Hand to Mouth...

Okay, finances may get a little tight at times, but Ashton's taking the term "hand to mouth" to a whole new level. For him it's literal. He picks up an items, studies it for a second, then promptly gives it a taste-test as if that will give him a better idea of what it is. It's so fun to watch him watching the world around him. He doesn't just look, he studies the people, the objects, everything; and, I can practically see his observations processing in his mind. I love seeing him try to use his fine motor skills. Sometimes I'll put little pieces of food on his tray and watch him try to pinch it between his pointer finger and thumb. Mostly, he just pushes it away in his attempts or, if he gets lucky and manages to pick it up, loses it before it's even half-way to his mouth. Of course, when he's down on the floor, he is miraculously able to pinch lint and put it to his mouth with no problems at all. How does that always happen--they always want or find what they shouldn't have.

Last week in sacrement meeting, he was interested in a woman sitting behind us. He kept looking over my shoulder at her and flashing his biggest smile, then he'd duck down and play with a toy a minute and then look back over my should and smile at her again. At one point, she got up and left the chapel. Ashton watched her the whole way and even kept looking a the door seemingly waiting fore her to return. It was so cute, hardly anyone can keep from smiling at him when they make eye-contact.

He's also practicing his gross motor skills. His knew favorite past-time is playing on the floor. He hasn't figured out crawling or even the army crawl, yet. Instead he just puts his arms forward and pulls himself forward with his brute strength and an occasional grunt. I'm still cringing at the thought of baby-proofing. There is just so much to do and I feel so little time. Everyday he seems to get into something else I didn't think was problem or even a temptation.

My parents came down yesterday. They ate chilli and spent the afternoon with us. I'm sad to think a quick visit won't be a possibility come next weekend. They finally sold (or presold, since it's just on lease until the new residence sell their own home) their house, and now they're moving to Northern Utah (Huntsville) for a while. It's a little sad, but we won't be here too much longer anyway. It's funny how my whole family has returned to Northern Utah and I'm the only left with a link to St. George. It's always bittersweet to grow up and build your own family. Home developes a new definition. It's no longer the house we grew up in, or where mom and dad are, it's not even where the heart is. I'm learning that home is a place where you feel safe, have a purpose, and where you're life is shared with those you couldn't live without. My heart will always be with my parents and siblings and I'll always want to be near them; but, the greatest part of me will always want to be with Adam and our children as they grow to be men. Wherever we can thrive in all the facets of life, that's where we need to be. I hope we will never be too far from our loved ones, but I also hope we will alow the road to take us wherever we will find the greatest possibilities for our stability, growth and happiness. However, I also realize that as long as we are together, we can make wherever we are HOME.  

thinking sunny thoughts

...and I thought we would get a taste of Spring!

Monday's weather was sunny, clear, and there was no evidence of snow anywhere. I was excited, thinking that maybe it would be warm enough this weekend to paint the trim on my house and put up the picket fence in the front. On Tuesday morning, we stepped out the door into a couple inches of snow. Darn! 4 hours later, when I went to pick up Damon, we had 13+ inches, the snow touching the doors of all the cars and I thought, "Oh, boy, I hope I don't get stuck." So, I backed up into some fresh truck tracks, all the while thankful that I could just get out of the driveway, and then promptly got stuck right in the middle of the road. I jumped out, scraped the road around my tires, and crossed my fingers as I slowly made my way forward and toward the main road which had already been plowed. I miraculously made it to and from Headstart with no major incidents.

Then, on Tuesday, Adam and I entertained at a High Priest dinner. We had three weeks to prepare, but I kept forgetting and we didn't actually get things together until Sunday, oops. I wasn't too woried, because we were supposed to perform while they ate; and, my experience with performing during a dinner is that the people never actually pay attention to you. That is way I really don't like performing during meals. Well, the room went dead silent the moment we got up to sing and every eye seemed to bore right into us. Definitely not what I expected. Thankfully, we just decided to sing a bunch of church songs since it was a spiritual meeting. Since we've had the opportunity to learn many special arrangements for hymns and LDS songs over the past few years, we still sounded like we knew what we were doing. I even faced my fears and accompanied Adam on a couple songs--a very first for me--I'm afraid of playing in public. I'm proud of myself, I did surprisingly okay. Although, I'm not sure I'll be ready to do it again any time soon.

Ashton's making way around, eventhough he's still not crawling. I keep telling him he can take his time. Not only is he growing too big too fast, I'm not even close to baby proofing. I'm hoping to be done fixing up the house soon so we can get all the litttle nick-knacks and tools put away and out of reach of his little busy baby fingers. I seem to be constantly telling myself to hurry. It's just a matter of time (and not much of that) before he is on all fours wreeking havoc. Heaven help us! I can only handle so much at once. Besides, once that happens, he won't be my sweet little baby anymore. He'll be my sweet little toddler--I'm not sure if I ready for that.

Life continues on...

Not much has happened this week. Adom's still working on our master bathroom. It's coming along nicely. Just a little mud and paint and we'll be done. I finally got around to some painting that I've wanted to get done for a while now, and now I just have to get to the decluttering of our house. Fun. (Can you feel the sarcasm?)

Ashton  is bouncing back wonderfully. He's handsy and smiling and I can't get enough of him. Damon's doing well in school. After months of effort, he's finally caught on to the idea of rhyming. It's really fun to see him lit up about learning. Occasionally I catch him at the bathroom or kitchen sink making a mess with who-knows-what and when I get after him he says, "but I'm doing science." He probably gets away with more than he should, but I'm just glad to see him working his brain. As long as his actions aren't dangerous or destructive, I'm okay with a little mess.

We're slowly spreading the word about leaving Beaver. I still haven't told my voice students, I'm waiting for the best time. While some won't really think it a big deal, about half will be upset, and leaving them will upset me as well. I've grown pretty attached to some of them. Teaching these girls has given me a chance to feel like I'm making a difference, that I have something to contribute to my small world.

It will be a while yet before we have any definitive plans for next year.  I've never been one to deal well with uncertainty, but I'm doing my best to stay relaxed and keep the anxiety at bay. I'm trying not to hover over Adam with too many questions regarding his job search. We try to keep the communication open; however, it's not easy for me to not give more than my fair share input. It's just that sometimes I feel if I didn't push a little, we might miss important opportunities, and his job search does affect the whole family. Don't get me wrong, he would definitely take care of things on his own. I do have faith in him. I'm simply one of those people who feels like I must have a certain degree of control over my future or else I get overwhelmed with anxiety and, yes, even fear. The best remedy for worry is action in my mind. I guess that's why I've been pushing to get our house on the market by next weekend, because I'm doing something about the unkown. It's one way in which I can take action. I feel that Heavenly Father can help us more easily when we are busy helping ourselves. He can't guide us in the right direction when we're standing still. It is when I'm taking action that I feel comfort the most and can even sense His approval of my efforts.

Other than that, our lives continue as normal, and I'm feeling happy in the everyday things that come my way (save my chronic sinus infections--I don't like those very much).   

IT'S POURING!!!

Well, technically it's snowing. It has been for three days here in Beaver; but, for our family, it started drizzling a couple weeks ago and finally worked up to a downpour this last week.  The week before last, Damon was home sick all week with a cold, then Ashton got sick and I took him into the clinic last Friday. He was a little congested in the chest but since his RSV test came back negative, they sent us home and just said to try to keep his nose clean and use a vaporizer. By Monday, he still had a fever and wasn't breathing very well, and by Tuesday, his breathing was so laboured, I took him back to the doctor's office. Dr. Lance Smith ("Dr. Lance" as we call him to distinguish him from his father) came in, examined him quickly, commented on how grey Ashton's coloring was and how low his oxygen levels were (they 77-78 percent when they should be no lower than 90) and he immediately sent us to the hospital.

We promptly went into testing and found out Ashton still didn't have RSV. He had bacterial pneumonia. Thankfully Dr. Lance was suspicious of the way the congestion sounded in his lungs and ordered an x-ray which was how they diagnosed the pneumonia. The poor littly guy was poked and prodded, and had tubes sticking out and to him for more than half a week. He was a good sport, though, and it only took him a day to stop trying to tear away his oxygen tubes. It was interesting, he got more upset and cried more over that oxygen tube than his IV and tests put together. It was so sad, when we first went in, he was so sick he didn't even hardly cry. Instead, he would just look at me and moan. I missed seeing his happy smile and rosey cheeks and his by hands.

Despite him being so sick, he kept in good spirits and we got to see brief glimpses of his smile and personality throughout the week. Thankfully, the antibiotics did their job and he had a rather speedy recovery. More than just the antibiotics contributed to him getting better, though. The power of the priesthood and the faith of our friends and family were instrumental. A few of my voice students were really effected by the news of Ashton's illness; and, after a few tears, they fasted for him and then Emily (who is as much friend as student) called six different temples and put him on the prayer rolls. Her thoroughness (is that a word?) made me laugh, but I was very touched at their concern. They are such good girls and I am honoured to know them.

Four days without hardly stepping out of his hospital room (Adam or I had to be with him at all times) and I was completely stir-crazy. Thankfully, Adam was able to take sick leave so he could stay home with Damon. Adam was working on remodeling our bathroom, so he got out of most of the hospital duty. By Friday, Ashton was okayed to go and we were very glad to get home.

This is Ashton with his nebulizer. He

loves to try to eat it as the vapors pour

out of the mouth piece. He thinks it's a

really fun toy instead of medicine.

Then, on top of everything, Adam had a meeting with the Superintendant on Wednessday and found out that his contract will not be renewed for next year. We knew this would be a possibility, but it still came as a blow. Adam is dealing well with the news, but I think he feels unappreciated and almost like they've just discarded him. I was rather upset the first day, but now I'm actually rather relaxed about the whole thing. This isn't unique to just us. Teachers are being laid off all over the state. In fact, Jordan School District is getting rid of 250 teachers for next year. It's just crazy right now--which should make me more nervous because that means it will be harder for Adam to get a job, but there is some comfort in knowing we're not alone in this uncertain situation. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of us and I feel as though he is guiding our footsteps. What trials we may yet have in front of us, I don't know. Our road will most likely not be an easy one, yet I feel comfort in the confidence that the destination will be one of happiness, contentment and ultimately better than our current situation. The only worry (although it is a small one right now) is about selling our house. I hope we can sell it for enough that we can at least get out of it what we put into it. So, now we are trying to finish all of our projects on our home by the first of March so we can put it up for sale. I feel as though we may need some good luck to pull everything off.

What a blessing it is to know what is truly important. It is because of the gospel that we can see the bigger picture and understand that our trials and the uncertainties in our lives will pass; and, despite the stress and sadness they may cause, we may still find joy in the midst of them. I feel that in the upcoming months we will have to rely more fully on our faith and the hope of the Savior to help us keep our perspective in the right place. Heavenly Father loves all of us, and he desires to lead us to happiness. I pray that, as the months progress, we may clearly see the path he is laying for us and trust that even if we can only see one step ahead, it will lead us to a place of happiness, and safety and peace--that as long as we are together with the Spirit of the Lord, our family can happily weather anything. We have been so blessed already, and because God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, I can trust that he will continue to bless us, and I thank him for his tender care.

How do I love thee?

Of cours I'm going to write about love, with it being Valentine's Day and all. Occasionally I flip the TV onto KBYU at 11 O'clock during the week to watch their spiritual devotionals. This last week, they had an adress by Elder Holland called "How do I love thee?" Within just a few short seconds, I was hooked to what he had to say. Elder Holland has always been a favorite of mine to listen to, but this particular adress was more compelling than others.

I quickly discovered that it was the same talk that first convinced me it was time to pray about whether or not Adam was my future. Holland said, "No serious courtship or engagement or marriage is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it and in so doing trust ourselves totally to the other we love. You cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety's sake. the very nature of the endeaver requires that you hold on to each other as tightly as you can and jump in the pool together."

That section kept repeating itself over and over in my mind almost exactly seven years ago. I could feel that Adam was ready to jump in the pool and I realized if I really and truly wanted to know if Adam was "the one" for me, I needed to jump in with both feet, too; but, it isn't in my nature to act blindly and risk my heart and future. So, I knew I needed to receive conformation first. There have only been a couple times in my life where the answers to my prayers have been so unmistakeable the world seemed to stop spinning for a moment. This was one of those times. I knew Heavenly Father was giving me his blessing to marry
Adam. However, nature immediately dove in and before the short walk from my little prayer refuge was over, doubt began to sink in. That is when Elder Holland's words meant the most, "jump in." I realized I'd gotten my answer and it was time to just stop annalyzing past ideas of the future and jump in with both feet. So, I did; and, just six short months later, we were married. How grateful I am for that simple advice given by a servant of God and the strength and wisdom it gave me to trust my heart more than my head. To rely on faith--it is logical, but its power comes more from the heart than the head.

Now, listening to his talk, I realized it has taken a little different meaning for me. At the time of our courtship, I was basically only seeing to the vows. Then, after that, it seemed to be a white road with gold trim. I knew my life's struggles weren't over, but I just didn't think it through very well. Had I been wise, I would have heard everything Elder Holland had to say, such as his explanation that "investing all" meant taking the good with the bad and being more understanding and slower to anger or take offense.

I'm not saying marriage has been one big trial. It has been more difficult than I ever realized it would be--Adam and I never really even argued until the end of our honeymoon. Yet, it has been full of joy and all kinds of happiness. It's just that I never counted on the reality of life, and life is full of difficult events that make us cry and mourn and sulk, but they can also educate us and strengthen us and eventually give us more joy than we could have ever imagined. For example, for three years we wondered if we'd ever be able to have any more children after Damon. There was a lot of tears and hopes dashed (but never the question "why?" I'm a firm believer that asking God "why me" is rather selfish and accusatory--He loves us and knows how we need to grow). Now, we miraculously have another child to call our own and everyday I'm so filled with gratitude that I could just cry. I mean it, I'm not overexagerating or being cliche. That's how my life is right now, but it wouldn't be if I hadn't gone through the struggle of wondering if Ashton would ever enter our lives. I think it's the same with marriage in general, struggles come our way to cement us stronger together and help us ejoy each other more.

Elder Holland quoted 1 Cor. 13:7, "'[true love] beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things'...He [Christ] is the great example of one who bore and believed and hoped and endured. We are invited to do the same in our courtship and in our marriage to the best of our ability. Bear up and be strong. Be hopeful and believing. Some things in life we have little or no control over...Some disapointments have to be lived with in love and marriage...when they come, we have to bear them; we have to believe; we have to hope for an end to such sorrows and difficulty; we have to endure until such things come right in the end." Adam and I have endured a small amount of these trials, and I discovered that it is during those times of trial and uncertainty that we have been the closest, clinging to each other as if the other were our life preserver. It hasn't taken long for things to come right in the end; and, with each new struggle, we're better prepare to face the trouble with faith and hope and strength.

Adam and I were attached at the hip when we were first married. We were almost a drug for each other it seemed (in a good way). The first time we were away from each other for an extended period of time, we basically fell apart and cried, no bawled, on the phone each night. That element has changed. We don't cry anymore (at least, we usually don't cry) when we're apart; yet, on my part, I'm always anxious when he's away. It's like part of the inside of me is lying out on the table exposed, wating for him to put it back upon his return. Perhaps that's a gruesome explanation, but it's the only non-cliche one I can give. It's our experiences together, both good and bad, that have made us a part of each other, and I am so glad to have such a good man experience life with.

This Valentine's Day, I recognize the love of God in how he has directed my life and who he has blessed me to share my days with. In all the ways Adam and I compliment each other and better each other I can see the tender mercies of a loving Father in Heaven. I'm a better, happier person now that I have Adam in my life, and I thank my Heavenly Father for these immeasurable blessings in my life.